
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Just Life

Saturday, May 31, 2008
Selfishness
Now, here I am, ten years later, and that conversation rings clearly in my mind. I can still tell you where that conversation took place. For all the useless chattering we experience, why did that dialogue stick?
I suppose it could be said that it is selfish to want friends... want a spouse, want a good job, want good health, want contentedness. So is it selfish to want a child? Yes, I suppose, to some extent. We did want a little person in our lives. Dan wanted a little son or daughter to invest in, to "send into a future we wouldn't see." But any (and every!) mother and father will tell you that serving a screaming infant in the middle of the night or a toddler that has a bout of diarrhea isn't selfish!
I read blogs about couples experiencing initial infertility problems... just trying to just get one little baby. I feel guilty because we do have a terrific little boy and yet we know our family isn't complete.
The couple that passed the comment all those years ago is now past their childbearing years. Now, I feel sorry for them. I'm sorry for all the moments they've missed because they believed that what they thought was true.
I know this journey is a process and telling myself that wanting another child isn't selfish is just part of it.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Busy Month of May
SF Zoo- Tuesday
The gang: Russell (his hat was in the car. Oops.), Jack, Claire and Grace. Little Maddie joined us later for lunch with her mom, Julie.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
MARIA SUE CHAPMAN, DAUGHTER OF STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN, DIES IN ACCIDENT AT FAMILY HOME
NASHVILLE, TN...5/21/08...
At approximately 5pm on the afternoon of Wednesday May 21st, Maria Sue Chapman, 5 years old and the youngest daughter to Steven and Mary Beth Chapman was struck in the driveway of the Chapman home in Franklin, TN. Maria was rushed to Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital in Nashville, transported by LifeFlight, but died of her injuries there. Maria is one of the close knit family’s six children and one of their three adopted daughters.
More than five years ago, Chapman and his wife MaryBeth founded The Shaohannah’s Hope Ministry after bringing their first adopted daughter, Shaohannah, home from China. The ministry’s goal is to help families reduce the financial barrier of adoption, and has provided grants to over 1700 families wishing to adopt orphans from around the world. Chapman is a five-time GRAMMY ® winner and 54-time Dove Award winning artist who has sold over 10 million albums and garnered 44 No. 1 singles.
The Chapman family is so grateful for the incredible outpouring of love and support at this difficult time.
If you’d like to meet Maria and express your condolences click here
By mail, send to PO Box 150156 Nashville, TN 37215.
In lieu of flowers, the Chapmans request any gifts be directed to Shaohannah’s Hope.
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Little Maria is being held by Steven in this picture. Such tragedy is unbelievable. I can't imagine the sorrow that the son will have for the rest of his life over the accident. It is so hard to believe that all things work together for the good for those that love God in this situation.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Results
Total tests done:
Factor V Leiden- negative
Homocysteine- normal (5.6)
MTHFR (hetero- A1298C)
Protein C- normal (88)
Protein S- normal (62)
Prothrombin 20210- negative
cardiolipin- negative
lupus anticoagulant- negative
3rd gen. TSH= 2.41 (normal)
Progesterone= 21.3 (normal)
Anti-Nuclear Antibodies- negative
Blood glucose- 83 (normal)
mycoplasma hominis- negative
ureaplasma urealyticum- negative
complete ultrasound
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Encouraged
After all my research online and in books, I took my list of recommended (some, controversial) tests with me. The doctor called a reproductive endocrinologist in the area and he then ordered some of the tests I asked for, in addition to what the RE recommended. The doctor said there is a good likelihood of me having an immune problem of which I am not thrilled, but at this point, we are just looking for answers. We can deal with the solution later. The controversial tests/remedies (not covered by insurance) could run into the thousands financially speaking so we will not pursue those at this time.
From my experience last fall, the tests take awhile to get back once they've been taken.
All this to say, I feel encouraged. I feel like the doctor is taking me seriously, and not just assuming chromosomal abnormality (after four losses), although, I conceed, that is still a plausible reason. So, for now, we wait. I don't mind. I need to be still and remember that God is ultimately the giver and taker of life.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Cost of Living in Arkansas

http://www.foxnews.com/
Michelle Duggar, 41, is due on New Year's Day, and the latest addition will join seven sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.
"We've had three in January, three in December. Those two months are a busy time for us," she said, laughing.
The Duggars' oldest child, Josh, is 20, and the youngest, Jennifer, is nine months old.
The fast-growing family lives in Tontitown in northwest Arkansas in a 7,000-square-foot home. All the children — whose names start with the letter J — are home-schooled.
Duggar said she's six weeks along and the pregnancy is going well. She and her husband, Jim Bob Duggar, said they'll keep having children as long as God wills it.
"The success in a family is first off, a love for God, and secondly, treating each other like you want to be treated," Jim Bob Duggar said. "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen."
The other Duggar children, in between Joshua and Jennifer, are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; and Johannah, 9 months.
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I wonder what it must be like to live in a family like the Duggars. Even being one of five children was sometimes difficult. Little privacy, lots of responsibility, and little one-on-one time with parents. On the plus side, there was always someone to tag around with. And get-togethers are more enjoyable considering we didn't have cousins growing up (Russell is older than my two youngest cousins).
The cost of living in California (well, in an overpopulated area) is high. I buy groceries twice a week (TJ's and Safeway) just because produce doesn't keep long (we eat a lot of berries and bananas and avacados) and I like to buy some junk food (chips, hot dogs, drinks) for the weekend when Dan is home. He puts up with the healthy meals during the week so I don't mind;-) Gas is now over $4/gallon. Thankfully, our gas bill is only about $150/month because Dan's commute is only 20 minutes and I just putter around town (we used to spend $40/month when we lived in SD and Dan was deployed and we only had the one car).
I suppose in Arkansas, providing for 18 children is still tight, but living on a farm would help. The land is pretty out there (in a flat, endless kinda way). Too far from an ocean, though. I went out to Arkansas in 1999 to visit friends from my days at Palomar Camp. With the solid foundation the Duggar children are getting, I am sure they will all succeed in where God leads them. I'm sure they know how to deal with selfishness!
So, how many automatic dishwashers to you think their house has???
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Coming to Terms
Amongst my hours of researching recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) online, I came across this book, “Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth About Miscarriage,” by Jon Cohen. The author and his wife have also experienced four consecutive miscarriages after one live birth. He is a correspondent for Science magazine (very notable in the science community). He chronicles his journey about gathering “the most comprehensive and accurate information on miscarriage.” He focuses on three clinics; one in Vancouver, one in Boston, and one in London.The conclusion of his findings? “After the loss of three or more miscarriages, women will, with no treatment, carry to term nearly 70% of the time.” (Assuming all tests give normal results: clotting problems, Rh factor, or other common diagnosis being treated.) This statement gives me hope. I’ve read pages and pages of unending statistics: first-born male stats, age stats, gestation stats, and stats about stats. The conclusion? The fact that a baby is conceived and delivered in full health is purely a miracle. Each. And. Every. Time.
I was amazed at Cohen’s research at IVF clinics that offered PGD (the testing and discarding of chromosomally abnormal embryos): most embryos were abnormal and had either too few or too many chromosomes. Most embryos are not normal, whether conceived in the lab or in utereo.
The sad truth that Cohen mentions is that there is comparatively little recent research about miscarriage because of the lack of funding from the government and pharmaceutical companies. There is no money to be made. Nature is nature and that is that. Any research that is done is usually because of personal interest and passion for RPL.
We have been asked how long we’ll keep trying for another child. I guess the answer to that question is “We don’t know.” If I had known what we would experience seventeen months ago, I don’t know if I would have had the strength to endure. I don’t know where we will be in our journey in 12 months, 24 months, or 36 months. The decision to not try again isn’t easy.
On the positive side, my pelvic ultrasound results came back and everything is normal. Wonderful. So why is this happening? We may never know. As my Bible study group continues to move through Daniel, I have loved the eschatology and the supremacy of God’s timing. I take comfort in that.
You ask if Cohen had a second child? He wife became pregnant (unplanned) at age 41 after ten years and delivered a little boy. She had another miracle baby at the age of 44 when she decided to end her years of birth control.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
A New Earth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW4LLwkgmqA
(This video contains a little political jab at the end... that's another debate for another day.)
Thursday, May 01, 2008
South Lake Tahoe
Doing wheelies with Maddie in the stroller. She didn't seem to mind;-)
Russell scampered up onto the table before we even noticed:-) He loved being outdoors.
Russell was being a negative influence on Maddie. She was mesmorized by 'Curious George.'
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Tagged
What I was doing ten years ago (spring 1998):
1. enduring (I mean enjoying) my second semester at UVic (second year was much better)
2. driving my Grandma’s 1972 Datsun 510 (pretty green colour)
3. living at with my grandparents in Victoria
4. getting ready to work at Palomar CCC once again (also worked at Angeles Crest camp that spring since a girl named Alicia was working the odd-jobs at Palomar. I met Dan through Alicia four years later.)
Five snacks I enjoy:
1. Macintosh apples
2. Gharidelli chocolate chips (60% cocoa)
3. fresh blueberries
4. strawberries (okay, any berry I can buy at a reasonable price)
5. whatever is left over on Russell’s tray
Five jobs I have held:
1. Babysitter (not very often)
2. Kitchen gal (Palomar)
3. Lifeguard (Palomar & Camp Tejas)
4. Lab Tech (Alza)
5. Quality Assurance (J&J)
Five habits:
1. reading
2. taking daily walks to park
3. visiting friends
4. brushing teeth
5. keeping Russell out of trouble
Five places I have lived:
1. the Island, B.C.
2. Palomar Mt, CA (4 springs/summers)… San Diego
3. Austin, Tx (2 springs/summers)
4. the Bay area (since December 2004)
5. TBD
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Travelling Direct

1. Buying new DVD for plane trip = $13
2. Buying airfare to Grandma's house = $350
3. Travelling direct from SFO to Victoria = Priceless
Although the airlines have been getting bad press lately, I am ecstatic over the fact that United is now flying direct between San Francisco and Victoria. The headache for years has been navigating through SEA (not difficult, but time consuming) and doing customs (only the dying/dead are allowed to use the elevators to travel up from the basement- no joking!).
Hopefully, those days are over permanently! I will gladly pay more for direct flights, especially since amusing a 2 yr-old for 4-5 hours aboard an airplane or in an airport is not on my top 10 (or 100) 'fun things to do' list. I think I'm going to write United a thank-you note.
***UPDATE: Russell and I will be coming up on Saturday, July 19th and leaving on Sunday, July 27th. Dan will likely be in Austin again that week.***
Monday, April 14, 2008
Our Growing Boy
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Looks like Dan might be a few days late!
On Wednesday, American Airlines cancels more than 1,000 flights, for the second time in two weeks to inspect wiring bundles on its fleet of MD-80s.
Business trips and vacations were disrupted for tens of thousands of travelers Wednesday as American Airlines canceled more than 1,000 flights — nearly half its schedule — to fix faulty wiring that could cause a short-circuit or even a fire and explosion.
It was the latest — and largest — in a wave of cancellations at major U.S. airlines that have caused long lines at ticket counters and made flying even more stressful than usual.
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The above posting was from a MSN report. Hmm. Since Dan flew American Airlines to Austin, he may be a few days late returning. Suppose there is always Greyhound!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Summer Must Be Coming
Thursday, April 03, 2008
My Grace is Sufficient
How powerful these words are. Paul ‘besought the Lord thrice’ for his thorn to be removed. As we struggle daily to depend on our God, this verse has come to mind. For some reason, we have been allowed to experience this trial. We pray for God's strength because ours has been depleted.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Moving On... to Maisy


If you don't know who Maisy is, then you are definitely behind the times. Russell loves these two books and we read them at least 15-20 times a day. I'm not exaggerating. I found the first one (top) in a discard pile at the library in my parents' town. The second one is courtesy of the local thrift store. It is a 'lift-the-flap' type of book and one flap has been torn off by the previous owner but Russell don't care. We've read these so often that I recite the books to him while we are driving and he is fussing in the back seat (yes, probably because I forgot his cup or snack). It really helps his little disposition. And mine;-)
Monday, March 24, 2008
Failed Hope
Easter weekend turned out differently than we had planned. Cousin Maria called and cancelled their plans with us due to colds in their home. We had decided to cancel as well since I didn’t have the physical strength to host. Sunday was quiet for us. I helped with childcare at church but then came home. I needed the time to be alone and not in the midst of happy Easter-morning church goers. Dan had laryngitis so he was out, too. I thought that after having previous miscarriages, the mourning would be easier. It isn’t. Maybe it gets harder because of the failing hope that ‘next time’ will be successful.
In my Bible study on Thursday morning, I learned that as Daniel was being sentenced to the lions’ den, he didn’t panic (do the wrong thing) or be paralyzed (do nothing). He prayed. How timely that lesson was. “…Then the men went as a group and found Daniel praying and asking God for help.” Beth Moore pointed out that had Daniel been given the option to endure the trial once again, he probably would have done so, in order for God to be glorified. Daniel was at least 80 years old and going strong.
Another scripture that has come to our attention is Psalm 127:1-3
Our prayer-board in the kitchen has a long list of pregnant friends and their due dates. It pleases me to write due dates beside lonely ‘couple’ names: friends that have struggled as well for one reason or another. God is working. He is answering prayer. I like seeing the pregnant moms I know, with their growing bellies and knowing that each pregnancy is a miracle, for each woman will only carry but a few times in her life. I am happy for them. I am sad for me.
I know it is cliché in the Christian realm to say, “I’ll pray for you,” but I know we have many dear friends that do uphold us regularly. To you, we earnestly ask that you would intercede on our behalf and pray for:
1. God’s healing of my body and our saddened hearts.
2. God’s wisdom for the doctors to know how to proceed with future treatments and procedures.
3. That we would invest in the ‘talent’ God has given us: Russell. His soul is precious and we need godly wisdom to raise him for God’s glory.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Pre-Easter Egg Dippin'
On Thursday, after morning Bible Study, my friend Lisa invited us over to dye eggs with her son Jack (right). Friend Jen came as well, with her son Owen (left). We told Lisa she gets the "Mom of the Month" award for daring to try a craft that involved food coloring and clean clothes. I am not a craft/art-orientated mom but if Russell likes it, I'll have to learn! Thanks, Lisa!!



Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Difference a Year Makes

Sunday, March 09, 2008
Raggedy Ann
When I got home, I pulled this Raggedy Ann cross-stitch piece out of my closet. I had started it when I was pregnant with Russell but put it away when we found out we were having a boy. After scanning the piece (it had been over 2 1/2 years) to see what needed to be done, I was surprised to see how little was left!! After spending a few hours yesterday and today, it is done.
I'll wait until Michael's puts another 50% off coupon in the paper, since I like their framing, but it is quite expensive. I'm glad there was so little to complete on the piece. Cross-stitching is hard on my neck and back so I probably won't be doing another piece for a few years. Besides, with Russell, there isn't much time to sit quietly;-)
Saturday, March 01, 2008
The Perfect Saturday
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
To Tucson and back
Lone Mr. Turtle.
Nowhere close to Africa but maybe someday!
Russell and his Grandpa.
After we visited the zoo, we went across the street and Russell played on the play-structures. Supposedly, the Colorado Rockies were practicing (see below) in the adjoining field. The Padres' were in town as well but we didn't see them.
We came home on Tuesday afternoon, very glad to be back.
