Off to San Diego (my secondary home)

Friday morning, I'm off to San Diego to meet up with April and another friend, Jen, who now lives in Florida. Thanks to Southwest Airlines intra-state California $49/way fares, I can fly cheaper than driving... and it saves me 6 hrs in time;-) San Diego is my second home... I love everything about it... the beaches, the people, the city, the climate, the Navy;-) It is going to be a boys-weekend here at this house!

Pancake Morning

As we usually have buttermilk pancakes on Saturday mornings, and today being Valentine's Day, I was excited to use my Williams-Sonoma purchase of a few years ago: shaped V-Day pancake molds. Of course, the box looked prettier but as Dan and Russell can attest, our tasted better! We live for Saturday morings:-)

Two Years... and counting.

As of yesterday, it has been two years since we started having miscarriages. What have the last two years looked like? Lots of tears, doctor's appointments, and bloodwork. And still, no answers. We're begging God for the next two years to be different.

February 7th is otherwise a fun date for us. It was the date of my salvation in 1988, and it was the birthdate of my childhood hero, Laura Ingalls Wilder. In 2002, it was the date of our first (and only?) real date in San Diego. Dan had picked me up at a friend's house after work about 3pm and we spent the rest of the day/night together, until midnight. Those were the days! February 7th, 2006, was also the official due date for Russell. Some days just 'stick out' on the calendar, and February 7th will always be one of them.

I am so thankful every day that God sent Dan into my life. As I've shared with my sisters, "any guy can be with you in the good times. You want a guy that will be with you in the bad." Dan has been a champion the last two years and I am so thankful for him.

Russell's Birthday Weekend

On Saturday, we took Russell for his first CalTrain ride. We rode to Santa Clara's depot, where there is a free museum for the public to view and train hobbists to enjoy. Russell loved the train and it was a hit! (For locals, the museum is only open Tuesday and Fridays and is by donation.)

The whole 'no touching' rule was a little difficult for Russell to handle since he wanted to play with the train sets and cars, etc.

For Sunday dinner, we had two couples over for pizza and cupcakes- complete with Curious George decorations.

Yup- he liked the presents! It is so hard to wait when you're only 3!!

Happy 3rd Birthday, my Son!

How time has passed so quickly. I'm excited for Russell's future but I miss his baby-ness as well. Thankfully, he's still young enough to kiss and snuggle with:-) Happy birthday, son. We love you.

Our Pix

These are our pictures from the other day. Picture People does not charge a sitting fee and they happily exchanged the pictures I returned for the ones we wanted. Not a dime more! I like PP because they specialize in picture-taking, unlike Sears or JCP's, where I find that the photographer is the same person answering the phones and selling lawn mowers. Not my style;-) Dan scanned these in so the pictures aren't as sharp but this will do for now.

A Day at the Mall

I took Russell to the mall today to have his third-year pictures taken at Picture People. For the second time.

We went yesterday as well. I had the outfit chosen for him and he behaved nicely for the photographer. Only problem? The prints were a lot darker than they looked on the computer screen when I was selecting which prints we would purchase. When I got home and put an 8x10 in a frame, it was just too dark. I knew I'd be hating the picture for the next 365 days, so I called Picture People and made another booking for today.

The pictures from today were on a lighter background and turned out much better. And since we were only at the studio yesterday, we didn't have to deal with Russell's bashfulness today;-)

As we were sitting on the bench waiting for our pictures to be printed, we people watched and saw...

- a woman in yoga pants and high-healed shoes
- a man in a winter coat and shorts
- a senior couple with a huge bag full of bread loaves.

Yup, it was an interesting day!

"Non-viable"

I had a sinking feeling this morning when the pregnancy test I took only resulted in a faint line instead of the bright pink line of Saturday morning. I've ridden this ride too many times to know what that indicated. My bloodwork this morning only indicated an hcg level of 6. Not 60, not 600. Only 6. An hcg level of 100 is desirable at this point, but a 6 is a slap in the face.

Dan was at Costco today and bought flowers and a bottle of red wine. Glad to have them both.

I don't know where we go from here.

Tomorrow, the 44th President of the USA will be sworn into office: the same man that will mandate and promote embryonic stem cell research. God help this nation.

Saying Good-bye to Traditional Scrapbooking

Every time I attempt to vacuum our bedroom, I have to lift (or navigate around) my large (but very nice) scrapbooking box/container. I bought the plastic container about 5 years ago when I finally gave up trying to keep random bags of all my supplies contained.

The last pictures I scrapbooked were from our trip to D.C. in May 2007 (in Russell's album) and Laura's wedding (in our family album). I have come to the resolve to use up most if not all of what I own this calendar year of 2009 and then henceforth, scrapbook online on Snapfish or Shutterfly (I also know that Creative Memories have a similar offer). I'm not an artistic sort of person and scrapbooking takes more detail and time than I wish to invest. I made a "birth-2 years" album of Russell for my Grandmother for Christmas 2007 and I really liked the outcome.

So, as Russell's third birthday approaches, I currently am printing out pictures from his second birthday and scrapbooking them;-) I don't mind vacuuming around my scrapbook box for another few months...

Chasing a Dream

I've been asked a couple of times recently so I probably should blog and say that I am, and have been, taking the Lovenox injections for almost two weeks now. After 15 minutes of an ice-pack on my belly, the shots don't hurt but I do have a weird sensation afterwards as the cold wears off. The bruising hasn't been too bad at all, either.

If we don't get pregnant (and stay pregnant) this cycle, we're stepping off this circus ride for a while. Not that age has everything to do with it but I am turning 30 this year and I want to be in a better place emotionally and physically speaking. I can't do heavy exercise during pregnancy and after the miscarriages my body is so drained I just don't have the stamina for more than a walk to the park. I want to live my life not in perpetual fear that anything I might do may cause another miscarriage. I want to eat sushi and drink red wine without thinking twice.

This has been a difficult journey for us. The doctors still don't have answers. IVF won't help us because we can get pregnant: we just can't stay pregnant. It is so frustrating and oftentimes, I feel like our prayers aren't being heard- and yet, I know this isn't true.

So, please bare with us, as in the next few days we'll find out if we're pregnant again... and to see how long it lasts. I hate calling "wolf" but I also want you to know why (if all fails) we're taking a long-needed break.

Box Tops for Education

For years, I've noticed the Box Tops on a lot of products. I like clipping coupons, points (on Pampers) and patronizing companies that give me triple points on our Alaska Airlines credit card. I like the incentive programs as long as they don't cost me money and I benefit in the long run (think "free airline tickets"). I started clipping the Box Tops last year because I kept thinking that someday I could donate them (the expiry dates are usually 1-2 years in the future).

Well, that time has come. With the state in bankruptcy and (supposedly) issusing IOU's instead of state refund checks during tax season, the schools are suffering as well as most publically funded programs. I thought as a church we could collect as many as possible and donate them to the school that is our 'semi-annual' project (usually one in May, and one in November). If 200 people donated 100 Box Tops at 10c/top, that is $2000 for the school. Not a whole lot, but not too bad, either.

For my friends out of the area that would like to contribute as well, that would be wonderful! I still have to talk with the organizers at church about structuring this idea but if you could start saving now, the Box Tops add up quickly. It would be so great if in May, we could hand a needy school a few thousand dollars and help support a few more kids in the learning process:-)

A Rockin' Start to 2009

Have you seen the news in the last few days? The war between Israel and Hamas. Millions of people laid off in China. The USA in debt into the trillions. People in Europe freezing because of the lack of fuel to heat their homes. Happy New Year, eh?

Our pastor has been teaching the book of Revelation this past fall and will continue through June. This past Sunday, he focused on chapter four. "And there before me (John) was a throne in heaven with Someone sitting on it (vs. 2)... also, before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal (vs. 6)." For those with a Bible, I encourage you to read the whole chapter.

What picture in your mind does the One seated on the throne in front of a sea of glass bring? Peace. True peace. Not a truce, not a stalemate.

When our worlds are rocked with instability and insecurity, pain and confussion, be mindful that God is still in control. He is seated on His throne. Not because He doesn't care. No, it is because His knows what will happen ultimately and He has a plan for His creation.

Christmas 2008

We landed in Victoria the evening of the 24th. The Island was under snow and ice so we rented a rental car since my parents couldn't get out of their subdivision. We stayed with my grandmother for the night and the next day. My parents and sisters finally were able to make it to Victoria on the 26th and that is when we had our Christmas. Snowy-ist Christmas since early 1970's.

Us.

For those who know my family, you might have noticed the new BF? We picked Kris up from the ferry on the 26th and we had our Christmas meal all together. Kris is a great guy, has an upbeat spirit, and is all-around smart.

The men in my life:-)

The first family picture in four years, courtesy of Kris.

Snow everywhere. Too bad it doesn't stay on the trees longer.

Russell loved to make footprints in the snow. The snow at my parents' house was too deep for him, but my grandmother in Victoria always has less, and this suited Russell just fine!

On Sunday, the 28th, we went to the Mainland for my mom's extended family Christmas. Above, Russell with Dan and my uncle Steve.

Pretty women, truly!

We came back to the Island on Tuesday and spent one more night at my parents and one more night at my grandmother's house before flying back on the 1st. Typical holiday delays in the airports but alls well that ends well. We had a wonderful vacation and a nice way to celebrate the Christmas season. Here's to another eventful year!

Packing Tips...

Tip #1: Wear all that you possibly can so that you can fit more into the suitcase.

Yup, our Child. He clops around the house in Dan's size 11 winter boots and 'mugger' black toque and he puts my boots on his hands. He hasn't tripped once. He loves to stomp around the house like this- I'm sure the neighbors downstairs are dancing with glee;-)

Tomorrow we're off to my family's home outside Victoria for the Christmas season. The flights look like they're operating for now:-)

Update on potty-training: R is sleeping through the night DRY. He pees in the toilet the last time at bedtime and then the first time when he wakes up again. Happy Mama= Happy Boy. I still don't put underwear on him at night because we don't want to risk a wet bed. I'll buy a better waterproof matress cover soon. The one we have right now isn't the best quality.

Signing off for 2008! We'll be back on New Years Day 2009.

Potty Training, the Beginning

Well, for the first time ever, I can say that Russell is still wearing the underwear that I put on him at 7:30am this morning. And it is still clean and dry.

When we first started setting Russell on the toilet (we bought him a Disney Cars potty seat) in early November, you could hear the yelling from down the block. He progressed slowly as he realized that when he sat on the potty for two rounds of me singing the Alphabet, he was rewarded with three M & M’s. Long story short? He now can sing the whole alphabet with exception of ‘l-m-n’. I guess it wasn’t all in vain! In the last few weeks, he has been asking to sit on the potty so he could get the candy reward. Time for step #2.

Last Thursday and Friday, I cleared my calendar to attempt potty training. The first day, we had three puddles on the floor and one successful pee in the toilet. Friday, we had two puddles and two pees in the toilet. Saturday, one pee, one poop (the rest in the diaper since we were out and about).

I think we have a system going. Russell tends to drink continually throughout the day, totting his milk and water cups around with him, so I have to put him on the potty once an hour to pee. If he doesn’t pee on that hour-mark, I put him back in 30 minutes and he will do it then. He doesn’t mind doing the poops, either, for which I was worried, since some kids are scared of that, but Russell likes to flush the toilet so it is a win-win for both of us;-)

I am proud of our little guy in his journey so far. With the holiday travels coming up next week (we fly to B.C. from the 24th- 1st), I don’t want to put him back in diapers and/or pull-ups since he’ll get used to peeing in his pants again, but I can’t see myself hauling around a red potty seat everywhere we go, either. We’ll see, I guess. I also don’t want to be dealing with wet pants and lots of laundry.

The last concern I have is the extent of peeing during the night. Russell’s diapers weigh no less than 3lbs in the morning. Alysun told me that the kids eventually learn to hold it during the night, so here’s hoping that he’ll catch on. Even when I used cloth diapers on Russell, I would put a disposable on him at night because of the large amount of pee.

And, lastly, speaking of cloth diapers… When I first did the math in 2005 and purchased the Kushies, I figured we’d save $2500 using them for 2 ½ years, for which I did. What happened to the extra money? Well, a fraction of that is sitting in my dining room area in the form of an elliptical machine. Yup. All 150lbs of it. I recently cancelled my gym membership (which I really enjoyed) since I no longer have childcare for Russell now that Dan's on a regular work schedule. Dan himself has been complaining of feeling lethargic. This way, we can both get some exercise.

I love elliptical but like any tool, it is only useful if it’s used;-) So here’s to a healthier new year!

Santa Who?

This morning, Russell was playing with a hat box that my mother-in-law sent to us containing Christmas gifts (gifts were put away, already). The box had a vintage/classic looking Santa on the front, similar to the picture above. I asked Russell who was the man on the box. He said Noah. I had to laugh. He makes me proud.

We were raised with the knowledge that Santa was only an imaginary man and a fun idea for the Christmas season. We knew from Day 1 that toys came from the grandparents. It was a little hard to hide that fact, when we greedily circled and underlined every toy we wanted in the Sears Toy catalogue before handing the catalogue back to my grandparents. For me, it was the bright-pink Barbie items. I never did get a real Barbie car or an official Barbie horse, but that is another blog entry for another day;-)

The Christmas I remember most vividly was the year I wanted The Heart Family’s playground, complete with slide and swing and play-house. I must have been 8 or 9 years old at the time. We were celebrating the day at my grandparents’ house in Victoria. We had finished unwrapping all the gifts and I was sorely disappointed. I don’t know what happened next, but all of a sudden, my Grandma remembered one gift hidden in the laundry room. Yes, the box was big, and it was mine. I still have the playground, now stored away at my parents’ house with all the other Barbie items I so fondly played with for years.

I have no problem with the idea of Santa but Russell will be raised as I was. I want him to know and appreciate the real story of Bishop Nicholas and the giving spirit he had and a faith that caused him to be imprisoned. I want Russell to know that Christmas is a celebration of Christ’s birth and the gift He was to us as mankind. I am not into the idea of “Happy Birthday Jesus” (sorry if you are, but I’m just saying). I think it is a silly but harmless idea. I just want Russell to know and worship and follow Christ as our Lord and not as a baby-image.

It is such an honor to have the privilege to raise our son. I hope that as the years pass, as a little family unit, we can adopt traditions to teach Russell what it is to serve others and to give to the less fortunate. I’m excited for each year that passes and the opportunities it will bring!

Christmas Cards

Yup, it's that time! The once-a-year phenomenon that sends the postmen into a frenzy... the delivery of Christmas cards. The above card isn't what we're sending out but it was a cute one I saw online. Actually, we're sending out two different cards this year because I started using a box I bought last year on the after-Christmas sales but I ran out and realized I didn't buy as many as I had thought.

Sending Christmas cards is an odd thing for me.

There is 1) the card. Not too serious, but not 'Santa-like.'

Then there is 2) the family picure. Yaahhh... not this year. It was too much to co-ordinate. My goal is to have Russell's third year pictures taken in January and that is enough for me at this point. Maybe next year. Just reuse the picture I sent last year for now...

then 3) the Merry-Christmas-and-what-I-did-with-my-life-this-past-year-letter (this is enclosed in the cards that I send to relations that don't read our blog)

and 4) the trip to the post office where I buy an assortment of stamps for the US, Canada, and a few for overseas (England and Australia this year). I know I could buy these online but it just is part of my Christmas season to stand in line to buy stamps. Really, I don't mind.

and the final decision, 5) who to send cards to. I've kept a list each year of the cards we send out and the cards we receive. The list has changed over the years of our marriage... There are university friends who've fallen by the wayside, and camp acquaintances that no longer keep in touch. There are 'Facebook'-only friends who I've known since 1st grade, and people at church who only know us by name. These are all "no carders."

Then, there are the yearly carders: long-time family friends, and friends whose shoulder I cry on from time to time, friends that call out of the blue, and friends that even over the hundreds of miles, have dedicated themselves to prayer and encouragement. You know who you are!

I don't like to edit my Christmas-card list but at the same time, I don't want to pester non-intimate relationships with card, either, and make them feel like they should respond. I really enjoy sending and receiving Christmas cards, so if you haven't received a card in the past year or so, and are reading this blog, just e-mail me your address, and I'll post one in the mail:-)

Merry Christmas!!

Random Goings On

It's been quiet around here, hense the lack of blog posts. I haven't been very inspired with any blogging ideas so you are stuck with pictures of The Kid. Today, as I was preparing for play-group, I noticed a cat on my back porch (we are not a ground unit so this is unusual). We've been here three years and this was a first. The cat looked friendly, so I allowed Russell to go on the back porch and play with the cat. The cat stayed around for about 45 minutes before it jumped down and off it went.

Russell likes to imitate his companion, Curious George, so he wears his caps, etc. backwards. The glasses are a new addition since he's played with mine since summer. It is really is cute and we get lots of smiles from the older ladies when we're in town. Russell loves to play in the sink with the water and can reach quite a lot when he is standing on his stool.

Not What We Had Planned... but That's Okay

Traditionally at this time of the year, UPS/FedEx is delivering Christmas goodies that we have so excitedly purchased online. No overcrowded malls, no grumpy shoppers, no chasing Russell down the escalators. This year, it has been a little different. We've scaled back the purchasing of gifts and instead have tried to increase charitable giving because there is so much need in the communities near and far. And, instead of gifts being delivered, this month the delivery is medications.

I remember as a child, saying, "I love needles." I had no idea why I used to say that, except for the attention that it drew. As a child, I also wanted to grow up and be a part of the medical profession, except now instead of being the doctor, I'm the patient. Ironic.

The RE only prescribed 30mg/0.3ml/day and not a higher dosage (some woman take 40mg/x2 day) because I don't have any clotting issues. Taking the Lovenox is the last stop on this journey before we're off to the Voo-Doo doctors down in Los Gatos at the immunology clinic. I'll start the shots after the New Year sometime. Thankfully, the insurance covers the cost with exception of a $50 co-pay. I've been in contact with a few women online that have taken Lovenox and have since carried to term, so I am hopeful that there is a chance for us.

To be honest, I'm not looking forward to taking the daily shots but we are realistic at this point that I won't have another child without some sort of medical intervention. I'm excited to give this drug a chance and maybe, maybe, get a baby in the mix, too.

Birthday Blatherings

Last night, I went out to celebrate my birthday with six of my friends from this area:-) It was so nice to have talk time and relaxation. The evening was a mild 60F and very Christmasy with the neighborhoods showing off their seasonal lights. Thank-you, girls, for the friendship!

I was trying to remember where I spent my 20's birthdays. Next year will be the big 3-0 and a new decade.
- age 20, 21, 22: studying for chemistry exams in Victoria
- age 23: first year in San Diego. Dan took me on a dinner cruise on San Diego Bay
- age 24: Dan was deployed. Had birthday with friends at the San Diego Cheesecake Factory.
- age 25: first year in Bay area. Dan and I went to a nice restaurant, but the staff didn't show up for work, so dinner took 3hrs to cook and serve. Other patrons were actually leaving before their meals were cooked because it took so long!
- age 26: very pregnant with Russell. Gramps had just died two days previous. We ate a quiet dinner in Half Moon Bay.
- age 27: dinner with three other couples in Palo Alto at the Fish Market.
- age 28: attended Dan's work party. Ritzy restaurant? check. Nice food? check. Free evening? check!! Spent a weekend with April in San Diego at the Del. Ahhhh.
- age 29: night out with the girls. Dinner with Dan and Russell tonight.

I think, like everything else in life, birthdays evolve. As children, we anticipate birthdays for weeks leading up to the special day. As a teen, birthdays mean more freedoms, like driver's licenses and drinking ages. As grown adults, birthdays mean more family time and reflecting over the past year's activities and events. This was the first year I felt a little reluctant for turning another year older because of the baby thing, but who knows? To God, time is but a whisper in the wind. I know I am so blessed and the 20's have been good. I just know the 30's will be even better!

Thank-you to all my family and friends for the cards and notes:-) I know I am loved.

Thanksgiving '08

This is what happens when you leave your pie unattended for a minute. Russell loved it. We had a nice time with the cousins and everyone went home stuffed and satisfied. We have so much to be thankful for...

Day at the Fire Station

Last weekend, we went with a few of Russell's boy buddies to a local firehouse. The weather was a perfect 80F and a perfect way to entertain growing boys. Russell was adamant about not sitting in the fire engine (there is a distinction between a fire truck and an engine, we learned) but he loved touching the wheels and the lights.



Russell is in between tears in this picture. After the fire engine was turned on and the horn was honked, he was too scared to go near it. In this picture, I am forcing him to sit down with me for at least one picture. Someday, he'll thank me;-)

Random Thoughts

Do you ever feel like you are missing something out of life? I sure do. Lately, I find myself just restless, even though I have faith, family, and friends. The weather today has been perfect (i.e. 80F, blue sky, warm sunshine, beautiful fall colors on the trees) and yet, it is just hard to focus. Russell is a champ and plays well by himself so I don't have to worry about entertaining him too much anymore. It's not that I need to buy anything. I did something social today. Dan and I are doing well. I just feel like something is missing and whatever it is seems so far away.

April's Visit

My dear friend April flew from San Diego last Friday to come visit us. It was wonderful to have her here, and Russell didn't mind sharing his room for a few days;-) The twin bed worked out nicely and Russell slept on his crib mattress on the floor. On Sunday night, we went out to the Half Moon Bay Brewing Company for dinner. We had the best seats in the house (right next to the fish tank)!

April left on Monday afternoon. Russell still doesn't understand the comings and goings of the world and kept asking, "Where's Miss April?" We miss you, April! Hopefully, I can get in another girls' weekend with her next year sometime.



This just makes me smile. Russell loves putting on my sunglasses. He looks even cuter when he puts his cap on backwards. Lil' gangster.

New Bed= New Chapter

As you can see, the new twin bed from JC Penny's arrived a few days ago. We've had the crib set up for almost three years and we didn't realize how big a twin bed would be. Of course, we had a bit of a hint when the mattress arrived two weeks ago, but still, not until it was all set up did we say, "Wow."

Russell has loved the change-over since day 1. He loved sleeping on the twin mattress on the floor but I insisted that we purchase a bed because I needed the storage room underneath it for the crib. The chocolate-colored comforter is from Target and is a really nice knock-off from the name-brand bedding brands. I guess Russell will be sleeping in this bed until he grows up and moves away!

Simple Reminders

I took this picture a week ago. Ignore the ugly 1970's wall paper that covers my front entrance and just focus on the simple and beautiful colors that are known as the dispersion of light. If God cared enough to create this, I know He cares even more to watch over His ultimate creation: us. Just a thought for today:-)

Austin, TX

As you know, Dan had a business class in Austin this past week. He flew out on Sunday and Russell and I flew out on Tuesday. The flight was 3 1/2 hours and Russell did his best (for a 2 3/4 year old wiggle worm). The next morning, Dan left for his class and Russell and I headed to Zilkor Park, the 'Central Park' of Austin. The minute he saw the large fields, he just ran and ran and ran...

Zilkor Park also had a great playground. I had to laugh a little when I realized how much has changed since I worked in Texas 7-8 years ago. No longer do I look for historical museums and interesting tourist displays. Nope. I just look for the best playground in town. The weather was so nice (high 70's/low 80's) and it felt great to be outdoors.

On Wednesday night, I met a new friend who I connected with on an online January '06 Mom's group. Beth is a Christian woman who shares many of the same interests and it was fun to meet in person:-)

On Thursday, Russell and I headed out east to visit Linda, with whom I had worked at Camp Tejas. She now works at a different camp, though. We've kept in touch over the years and it was a joy to see her again.

After visiting Linda, I stopped by Camp Tejas. It was strange to be back (my last visit was 5 years ago), this time, visiting with a child in tow. Russell loved to throw rocks into the lake. I wish I could have stayed longer and visited longer with the staff but Russell was already nap-deprived and we still had the 90 minute drive back to Austin. Being back at the camp made me realize how important those summers were to me.

On Friday morning, Russell and I met up with Beth and her kiddos, Ana and Eli, once more before departing on our afternoon flight. Ana was a sweetheart and Eli was probably the best baby I've ever met. Seriously. No fuss, no muss.

After a quick stop at the ice-cream shop (thanks, Beth:-), we said our good-byes and left to pick Dan up from the hotel.

Any time that Dan and I travel, whether within the state or outside of the state, we ponder, "could we live here?" Austin is a great city although traffic is terrible because of the influx of California-ites that have moved into town. It is difficult to think of leaving the West Coast. Our whole lives are here. I guess just seeing the brand-new 4bd/2ba houses for $200k really tempt us though...