Friday, August 15, 2008


I love surprising Dan on his birthday. It only comes around once a year so I try and plan something fun like a weekend away or purchase a great gift (no, not the Thermos from 2005) like the Mac Mini. One year in San Diego (must have been 2002), I asked Dan to surprise me for my birthday and he did. We spent the evening on the Hornblower Cruise boat that went around the bay. Only hitch was that we got there 2hrs early because Dan couldn't wait any longer to tell me. It really wasn't a problem because we didn't have a baby/toddler to entertain:-)

I've kept up with 'Beka & Mark's' blog (see list) online. I've never met either one, I just found her blog on the infertility blog site one day. She must be an incredible woman. She wrote something recently that really struck a chord with me. She said that God isn't surprised.

When I read what Beka had written, I thought back to my life; working at Palomar & meeting Alicia (and others), meeting Dan through Alicia (four years later), the sub breaking so Dan was at the wedding, carrying Russell in utero with no problems, Russell's joyous birth. While I was surprised at all of these events, God wasn't. He knew the details of my life- our life. The 'good' surprises lead us to give praise to God for His presence and direction.

It is the 'bad' surprises that are bitter. For some, it is the loss of a job, a divorce, a dream. For us, it is the bitter cup of miscarriage. When Beka expressed her emotions on her blog, I cried for her and the other couples that continue to struggle. It is hard to understand why something so 'good' could be taken away. Each time we conceive, we try not to get our hopes up but the instant of seeing two pink lines only leads to dreams of a sibling for Russell and another child being sent to college. It has comforted us during this time in our lives that God is not surprised. He knew what would happen and I know that as each time approached, He sent encouragers and friends to uphold us with His presence.

Some people have asked us about adoption but we aren't ready to pursue that choice. It is difficult to explain to others why we want our own baby and not another child. We just do. Please continue to pray that God would grant us the desires of our heart.


Glenn+Jenn+Owen+Ian said...

Dan & Hillary,

How you are able to remain strong in your faith through these 'surprises' is a testament to God Himself, who is clearly holding you up. Your faith is powerful and reminds me of these verses from Habakkuk 3:

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

Aly sun said...

Those are beautiful verses in the previous comment. Even though I wouldn't wish what you are going through on anyone, I am just amazed at your grace and strength. God is shining through you. I can see you've grown stronger as a person and as a couple.

april said...

I love what Jenn and Alysun has expressed and I could not say it any better. I'm blessed to have you as a friend!