Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Sorry for the Silence...

Sorry for the silence on the blog. Sometimes I have ideas about postings, but when it comes to typing, my fingers are still and somehow, what I wanted to write no longer seems important.

I went to a ladies' retreat this past weekend, just south of Monterey, CA. I'll post pix soon. The speaker spoke on the book of Hosea in the Bible. She illustrated how as Hosea pursued and redeemed his prostitute wife, Gomer, God also pursues us- even though we follow and distract ourselves with other gods. God yearns for us to come to Him and rest in His love. This has been a difficult lesson for me to learn.

Over the past two years of our recurrent pregnancy losses, I have often felt abondoned by God- why would He allow life that He created to fail in its' initial stages? Then, as the tears come and my body begins to heal itself once again, I have felt the love of God. It does not come in a superficial way. It comes as love through friends' hugs and tears. It comes in phone calls and words of comfort. God's love comes as a whisper when I feel totally alone and yet, when I count the friends that have promised to 'hold up our arms in prayer' (as Aaron did for Moses), I know God loves me. He has pursued me throughout this pain and although I still don't know the reason for our losses, I know that He is more real to me than He was two years ago. I know He has seen our tears and as a parent weeps over a child, He has wept with us.

The conference speaker asked us what we thought the first thing would be when we reached Heaven. She hoped Jesus would call us to himself, and he could cup our face in his hands, and say, "Do you know how much I love you?" Oh, how I hope she is right!

8 comments:

Aly sun said...

I am weeping here! I wish you would write more because your thoughts are so encouraging and beautifully thought through. Thanks for sharing this journey with us.

Photogrl said...

I needed to read this today...thank you for being so honest.

Thank you so much for your supportive and kind comments on my blog lately.

Brittany said...

I love you very much Hillary:) Thanks for posting and reminding me of Christ's love of yesterday, today and forever.

C. Beth said...

Beautiful, Hillary. Thank you for sharing that love with us.

Choco Girl said...

Wow..Hillary! That was awesome and is awesome. I love those reminders.

Anne said...

I couldn't agree with your sentiments more. You are loved. Asilomar is a very special place for me. I was born in a hospital close by and there are many baby pictures of me on that beach. My grandmother lives around the corner it has always been my special, contemplative place. I'm so glad that you were able to hear God's words in a place that He created just for you.

Anonymous said...

love this post and the image of Jesus taking my head in his hands...priceless.

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