Sorry for the silence on the blog. Sometimes I have ideas about postings, but when it comes to typing, my fingers are still and somehow, what I wanted to write no longer seems important.
I went to a ladies' retreat this past weekend, just south of Monterey, CA. I'll post pix soon. The speaker spoke on the book of Hosea in the Bible. She illustrated how as Hosea pursued and redeemed his prostitute wife, Gomer, God also pursues us- even though we follow and distract ourselves with other gods. God yearns for us to come to Him and rest in His love. This has been a difficult lesson for me to learn.
Over the past two years of our recurrent pregnancy losses, I have often felt abondoned by God- why would He allow life that He created to fail in its' initial stages? Then, as the tears come and my body begins to heal itself once again, I have felt the love of God. It does not come in a superficial way. It comes as love through friends' hugs and tears. It comes in phone calls and words of comfort. God's love comes as a whisper when I feel totally alone and yet, when I count the friends that have promised to 'hold up our arms in prayer' (as Aaron did for Moses), I know God loves me. He has pursued me throughout this pain and although I still don't know the reason for our losses, I know that He is more real to me than He was two years ago. I know He has seen our tears and as a parent weeps over a child, He has wept with us.
The conference speaker asked us what we thought the first thing would be when we reached Heaven. She hoped Jesus would call us to himself, and he could cup our face in his hands, and say, "Do you know how much I love you?" Oh, how I hope she is right!
3 weeks ago