When I used to live in Victoria, I knew a couple that didn't want children (sure, that's fine) because they thought it was selfish to want "little Me's"- replicates of themselves. As a young adult, I didn't think much of their attitudes because at the time, being single was all I wanted and responsibility was the last thing on my mind.
Now, here I am, ten years later, and that conversation rings clearly in my mind. I can still tell you where that conversation took place. For all the useless chattering we experience, why did that dialogue stick?
I suppose it could be said that it is selfish to want friends... want a spouse, want a good job, want good health, want contentedness. So is it selfish to want a child? Yes, I suppose, to some extent. We did want a little person in our lives. Dan wanted a little son or daughter to invest in, to "send into a future we wouldn't see." But any (and every!) mother and father will tell you that serving a screaming infant in the middle of the night or a toddler that has a bout of diarrhea isn't selfish!
I read blogs about couples experiencing initial infertility problems... just trying to just get one little baby. I feel guilty because we do have a terrific little boy and yet we know our family isn't complete.
The couple that passed the comment all those years ago is now past their childbearing years. Now, I feel sorry for them. I'm sorry for all the moments they've missed because they believed that what they thought was true.
I know this journey is a process and telling myself that wanting another child isn't selfish is just part of it.
4 months ago