Friday, January 16, 2009

Chasing a Dream

I've been asked a couple of times recently so I probably should blog and say that I am, and have been, taking the Lovenox injections for almost two weeks now. After 15 minutes of an ice-pack on my belly, the shots don't hurt but I do have a weird sensation afterwards as the cold wears off. The bruising hasn't been too bad at all, either.

If we don't get pregnant (and stay pregnant) this cycle, we're stepping off this circus ride for a while. Not that age has everything to do with it but I am turning 30 this year and I want to be in a better place emotionally and physically speaking. I can't do heavy exercise during pregnancy and after the miscarriages my body is so drained I just don't have the stamina for more than a walk to the park. I want to live my life not in perpetual fear that anything I might do may cause another miscarriage. I want to eat sushi and drink red wine without thinking twice.

This has been a difficult journey for us. The doctors still don't have answers. IVF won't help us because we can get pregnant: we just can't stay pregnant. It is so frustrating and oftentimes, I feel like our prayers aren't being heard- and yet, I know this isn't true.

So, please bare with us, as in the next few days we'll find out if we're pregnant again... and to see how long it lasts. I hate calling "wolf" but I also want you to know why (if all fails) we're taking a long-needed break.

9 comments:

C. Beth said...

Thank you for the update. My heart hurts for you, and I'm so glad you're being honest about how you feel. Yes, He does hear you. Sometimes it would be nice to hear His thoughts as well as He hears ours!! I guess that day will come but in the meantime I pray for peace for you and for a healthy child.

Aly sun said...

You sure made me cry today. Thanks for sharing your raw emotions with us. Your grief mixed with tender hope touches me so deeply.

My prayer for you: "He gives strength to the weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will sour on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. " Is. 40:29-31

BagMomma said...

From a fellow sister-in-loss...

Good luck to you this cycle.

Photogrl said...

What you're feeling is normal...I don't think any of us who've suffered a loss don't feel the way you describe.

Nothing wrong with taking a break, sometimes you need to to keep sane.

Thinking VERY positive thoughts for you this cycle.

Good luck!

Stacey said...

Hillary,
I think the breaks are so important and necessary sometimes to keep our sanity. Thanks for the update - I'm glad the injections haven't been too bad. I hope things happen for you this time.

Hugs & prayers.

Grad3 said...

No explanations needed here. Just wishing you the best and the strength to face whatever you are given. ~Hugs and prayers~

Glenn+Jenn+Owen+Ian said...

Hillary, thanks for the update. Been wondering about your next steps. I will continue to keep praying...

Fie upon this quiet life! said...

Best of luck to you all. This has been the fight of your life, and I'm sure you're feeling beaten up. Be sweet and gentle to yourself. You have so much love in your heart. Make sure you save some of it for yourself! :) Thinking of you! Marcia

Choco Girl said...

Thank you for sharing my dear Hillary! I wish I had looked at your blog a couple of days ago..I'm going to continue reading. I love you!