Too much nature

Lately, we've seen too much nature. I didn't think we'd be true 'city folk' but we are. Last week, when we were at the park, Dan noticed a black widow on the stone/brick wall where Russell was playing. I've never seen one before and ever since that day, I've been vigilant about watching the area. This morning, I woke up to find Dan on his hands/knees cleaning the carpet. We'd kept the window open for the cool night air but a sizable colony of ants found their way into the dining area and were feasting on Russell's dried snack food (cranberries, raisins) and my carmel Torani bottle. We haven't had an 'outbreak' of ants since January '06 when Laura and Kris visited (so sorry!). I really do hate anything that crawls or creeps and thankfully, we haven't seen a rattlesnake that is warned about in the HOA newsletters...

A reminder...

To those who know us well, this isn't necessary but just a reminder to everyone else... please, when you call, leave a message if we don't answer. We may not answer for a number of reasons:

1) we're out of the house (I keep busy even as a stay-at-home-mom)
2) the phone is lost (we won't name names, Russell)
3) we're too busy to answer (yummy, supper time!)
4) we don't want to answer (we all have bad days/moods)
5) we don't hear the phone ring if we're listening to music/radio over the Internet (yeah for free entertainment!)

We enjoy catching up with friends and family but if you don't leave a message, we won't know you called and it's a little annoying to get hang-up phone calls on the machine;-) We're too cheap to pay for caller ID!

Sunday Afternoon

On Sunday afternoon, we spent some time outside at the Japanese Tea Gardens. It had been ages since we'd been there. Russell loves to be outside and this 'new park' made him very happy!

He spent a long time throwing leaves into this little stream and like to watch the leaves float away in the current.

The pond was stocked with coy (up to 1.5 ft in length) and Russell liked to watch them swim:-)

Surprises

I love surprising Dan on his birthday. It only comes around once a year so I try and plan something fun like a weekend away or purchase a great gift (no, not the Thermos from 2005) like the Mac Mini. One year in San Diego (must have been 2002), I asked Dan to surprise me for my birthday and he did. We spent the evening on the Hornblower Cruise boat that went around the bay. Only hitch was that we got there 2hrs early because Dan couldn't wait any longer to tell me. It really wasn't a problem because we didn't have a baby/toddler to entertain:-)

I've kept up with 'Beka & Mark's' blog (see list) online. I've never met either one, I just found her blog on the infertility blog site one day. She must be an incredible woman. She wrote something recently that really struck a chord with me. She said that God isn't surprised.

When I read what Beka had written, I thought back to my life; working at Palomar & meeting Alicia (and others), meeting Dan through Alicia (four years later), the sub breaking so Dan was at the wedding, carrying Russell in utero with no problems, Russell's joyous birth. While I was surprised at all of these events, God wasn't. He knew the details of my life- our life. The 'good' surprises lead us to give praise to God for His presence and direction.

It is the 'bad' surprises that are bitter. For some, it is the loss of a job, a divorce, a dream. For us, it is the bitter cup of miscarriage. When Beka expressed her emotions on her blog, I cried for her and the other couples that continue to struggle. It is hard to understand why something so 'good' could be taken away. Each time we conceive, we try not to get our hopes up but the instant of seeing two pink lines only leads to dreams of a sibling for Russell and another child being sent to college. It has comforted us during this time in our lives that God is not surprised. He knew what would happen and I know that as each time approached, He sent encouragers and friends to uphold us with His presence.

Some people have asked us about adoption but we aren't ready to pursue that choice. It is difficult to explain to others why we want our own baby and not another child. We just do. Please continue to pray that God would grant us the desires of our heart.

Eternal Fruit

As those of you know who read this blog, I love fruit. I do eat veggies, but I love fruit. The only problem with fruit, though, is that is doesn't last long. There is nothing worse than anticipating a bite of kiwi or mango and tasting the bitterness of the over-rippened fruit. There is nothing to do with it except throw it away as a useless piece of trash and hope that next time you'll remember to check the fruit bowl sooner.

Pastor David Jeremiah recently did a sermon the Fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5.22). Here's the list:

-love
-joy
-peace
-patience
-kindness
-goodness
-faithfulness
-gentleness
-self-control

Have you ever met a person that personified all of these characteristics? What a sweet, delicious 'fruit' that person would be. Someone you wouldn't forget. A 'fruit' that would not expire, grow moldy, or grow bitter. As the 'fruit' aged, it would only get better. Eternal Fruit.

On the other hand, the rotten fruit of sin taints and spoils all that it touches: sexual immorality, impurity, idolatry, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, and envy.

For those who are of Christ, I pray that each day we continue to mature into Eternal Fruit. The world will look at us and see the difference, the sweetness.

Blueberry Goodness

To say that we've bought a few pounds of blueberries this week is an understatement. I bought 2 lbs from Trader Joe's but was sorely disappointed in the small size of the berries. I figured it was a cool summer in the Northeast since that is where those berries were from.

Then the Safeway flier arrived on Wednesday. They advertised 2.5 lbs/$5. Wonderful! The berries were large and plump and no rotten ones were included. Yeah for British Columbia berries! I bought seven 2.5 lb packages and once I threw out the three bags of frozen green beans in my freezer (don't tell my Mom!), I had more room for the berries (survival of the fittest when it comes to freezer room). The winter I was preggo with Russell, I mostly ate blueberries so I figure that might be why he loves them so much;-)

Oops.

I've been meaning to cut Russell's hair for the last week because it was getting so long. I really only wanted to trim his hair but he would not keep his head still as I tried to trim it (despite cookies and milk). I finally got out the razor and thought, "well, at least this will be fast." To sum up the next 3-4 minutes, it was like shaving a wet cat. Exactly. Dan held Russell while he clawed to get away from the razor (and me) and yelled, "floor, floor!"

I used the #3 guard because that is what I use on Dan's hair but it was too short. Half-way through, Russell had a buzz cut at the back and 3-4 inch hair on top. At this point, I asked myself, "what have I done to my child??" I used the #6 guard on top and it seems to have turned out okay. Not great, but okay. Russell has thin hair like Dan and the sides of his head seem to have a few little patches of visable skin around his temples. My only consulation is that his hair grows fast. He looks older with the shorter hair (I think) but I did like the longer hair on him.

8 Days in B.C.

Russell and I arrived in Victoria on Saturday, the 19th. Russell did great in the airport and on the flight but decided to run away from me once I got to the customs/immigration desk in Victoria. It was our turn to be processed and I had to dash and catch Russell while the other 60+ passengers waited and watched. When I grabbed him, he decided to go limp and if it wasn't a public forum, a definite spanking would have been in order! My dad and sister Brittany picked us up and we had a family lunch at Grandma's house.

The rest of the week we spent at my parents' home and visited Grandma twice to make sure she got her 'fill' of Russell. Grandma loved to hear him talk and play in her house. Not too hard to impress her with his cute smile!

My parents took us to a little beach in Mill Bay for three mornings in a row. Russell loved to throw rocks in the water and he fussed when we left. Glad he loves the ocean!

On Friday evening, Candice and Brittany and my parents and R and I went out to dinner in Cowichan Bay. There is a very nice seafood restaurant that my family frequents on special occasions. Afterwards, we took a walk on the pier but Russell had a hard time because I insisted I hold his hand because the guardrails wouldn't 'guard' anything. Very independant child.

On a last-minute whim, my friend Wendi (center) flew out to the Island from Calgary on Friday. We haven't seen each other since my wedding, almost six years ago. My friend Kelly stopped by from working at the local summer camp. I last saw her about 1.5 years ago. The three of us were raised in the same church and we have some great memories together. Our visit was short but so nice!

On Saturday afternoon, Brittany took Russell and I back to Victoria to spend a night with Grandma before leaving the next day. When we did have to leave, Russell ran into the sunroom and sat on the sofa. It was a perfect moment to get a picture of Grandma and Russell together. I know each time we visit may be the last time so I try to take some pictures. Russell will never remember how much he means to his great-grandma but I want him to see that she loved him very much:-)

The flight home was easy. Russell kept his airplane seatbelt on the whole time and didn't run from me in customs. He only made a stink when Dan insisted he sit in the carseat on the drive home. I think Russell liked the idea of not using the carseat on the plane and hoped the car ride would be the same;-)

Off we go!

After nap time today, I hauled out the suitcase and started to pack for our week trip to B.C. Russell was very enthusiastic and ran to his room and grabbed as many clothes as he could hold and tossed them into the suitcase. Eventually, we got packed with only some of his clothes and not all of them. Since then, he has been concerned that he is going on the "pane" to "Cokkle" (the plane to Cobble Hill). He sure isn't going to like his stuffed 'Lambie' going through the x-ray machine tomorrow. Poor kid.

Snack Time for Two

I love my community of friends in this area. We can use each other for impromtu babysitting during the day when it comes to non-friendly appointments (dentist, doctor, spa- just kidding). Russell and Jack are only 19 days apart and play well together. Yeah for buddies!!

Sweet Treats

Summer time has always been the perfect time for sweet treats- namely, ice cream. I remember as a child, my parents would buy the 4L buckets of neopolitan ice-cream and we each would scoop out our favorite flavor instead of taking all three.

We don't buy too much ice-cream for the very fault that it gets eaten but when Dan was fixing our car battery the other night (it had died during the day), I asked him to pick up a box of treats. It has been in the mid-high 90's this week and we don't have A/C. It has been a bit of a problem for Russell because when he gets too hot his nose bleeds. It doesn't bleed badly but he rubs his nose and then he sees the blood. Thankfully, we still had some Drumsticks left in the box and Russell quickly forgot his plight. Not a bad remedy!

Big Dan, Little Dan

On Friday, we were getting ready to leave for Sacramento to visit Dan's cousins. As Dan was getting dressed, Russell rushed out of the room and returned momentarily with his red sweatshirt in hand. He insisted I put it on so he could be just like Dad. Precious.

Just Life

So here we are in July. I love turning the page on my calendar on the fridge to reveal a (somewhat) clean slate for the next month. I note the upcoming birthdays to make sure I at least get a card in the mail and write in the Sundays that I'm volunteering for nursery. As the month progresses, I write in who is hosting play-date Tuesday and doctor's appointments. Occasionally there are out-of-town weekends to plan and birthdays to attend. By the end of the month, the calendar is blackened with details like phone numbers and addresses and crossed-out days. By the end of the month, I look forward to a new page- a clean page. I guess it is purely psychological, considering next month is really another week. Oh well;-)

Russell and I will be flying direct to Victoria on the 19th. We'll be there until Sunday the 27th. Later on the 27th we'll attend an open house for our friends who are moving to Eugene, Oregon (sniff, sniff, cry openly). We've come to love Anne and Jeff and will miss them and little 'Gace' as she (Grace) is known to Russell.

So, for now, only four days are scratched out on the calendar. I'm looking forward to this summer and the fun we'll have and the days that God will unfold for us.

Bedtime Conversation

Each night, we pray with Russell while tucking him into bed (okay, while he is jumping around on his pillow and arranging his stuffed-buddies). Last night, I asked him about wanting a sibling...

Me: "Russell, do you want to be a big brother?"

Russell: "Caillou?"

Me: "Yes, like Caillou. Do you like his baby sister Rosie?" (the kid knows the PBS line-up)

Russell: "Yes."

Me: "Do you want a sister?"

Russell: "Yes."

Me: (teary eyed, we prayed once again...)

Room Time

This is not a picture I see very often. Russell didn't even wake up when I took the pictures! Earlier in the week, I was feeling miserable and sick and very tired and so Russell ended up in his crib. When I tried to lie on the couch and watch him play, he just looked in my face and yelled, "Mommy, awake! Mommy, awake." So, off to each of our rooms we went. He yelled for a little while longer and then, silence. After about 30 minutes of resting, I looked in on him and found him sleeping. It was 10:20am.

Day at the beach

Dan took today off and we went to the beach. Why have 'personal days' if they aren't used?! It was so nice to have a break. We drove to Half Moon Bay and played in the sand and then ate lunch at the HMB Brewing Company. The weather was perfect at the beach, as it was 99F at our house! Russell slept soundly for a three hour nap when we got home. We should do this more often!

Summer Fun

Our neighbors are doing their late spring cleaning, and we are the lucky recipients. Their kids are older (8 and 12) and have no use for this little car. Needless to say, Russell loves this car. He even insists on using our (real) car keys to drive it (it has an ignition slot).

This past week has been HOT. I love the warm weather and the summer time. On Friday, Russell and I and another mom/toddler went swimming. Russell wore his sock the whole time because the cement was so hot. He liked playing on the steps and only protested slightly when I held him in the deeper water. My hopes are that by the end of the summer, he'll be more comfortable with the water and we can do a Mommy & Me swim class in the fall.

I wish I could always remember these times. Already, we find ourselves reimissing about his baby days and cute things that he used to do. I try and remember that "today's moments are tomorrow's memories."

Just Life

Today, only 30 minutes into the church service, we were paged (i.e. for Russell). It has been over a year since this has happened. He loves his 'class' (trains, toys, and yes, Play-Doh). I figured he had got hurt. Dan left and came back a few minutes later. The class helpers had noticed that Russell was chewing on something and yes, it was the Play-Doh. They couldn't get any more out of Russell's mouth and hoped that Dan could. By the time he got there, Russell had swallowed it. Later, we met a friend out on the patio. He mentioned that he had showed Russell how to roll pieces of Play-Doh to make cookies. It figures! At least the stuff isn't toxic;-)

Selfishness

When I used to live in Victoria, I knew a couple that didn't want children (sure, that's fine) because they thought it was selfish to want "little Me's"- replicates of themselves. As a young adult, I didn't think much of their attitudes because at the time, being single was all I wanted and responsibility was the last thing on my mind.

Now, here I am, ten years later, and that conversation rings clearly in my mind. I can still tell you where that conversation took place. For all the useless chattering we experience, why did that dialogue stick?

I suppose it could be said that it is selfish to want friends... want a spouse, want a good job, want good health, want contentedness. So is it selfish to want a child? Yes, I suppose, to some extent. We did want a little person in our lives. Dan wanted a little son or daughter to invest in, to "send into a future we wouldn't see." But any (and every!) mother and father will tell you that serving a screaming infant in the middle of the night or a toddler that has a bout of diarrhea isn't selfish!

I read blogs about couples experiencing initial infertility problems... just trying to just get one little baby. I feel guilty because we do have a terrific little boy and yet we know our family isn't complete.

The couple that passed the comment all those years ago is now past their childbearing years. Now, I feel sorry for them. I'm sorry for all the moments they've missed because they believed that what they thought was true.

I know this journey is a process and telling myself that wanting another child isn't selfish is just part of it.

Busy Month of May

Nashville (May 20-24th)

No, this is not Greece, this is Nashville, Tennessee. I left Russell and Dan for four days to visit my longtime friend Laura. Alysun flew in from Portland with her little girl, Mandy. Russell spent Tuesday and Friday with friends, and Dan took care of him on Wednesday and Thursday.

Laura was a wonderful hostess and we enjoyed her home and her food:-) We visited the Opry, did some shopping, and drove by some fancy Southern mansions. I missed my boys but was glad not to have Russell on the long plane trips;-)

Memorial Day/Weekend

Above: this year- second cousins Timothy (4.5), Trevor (7m), Russell (2yr), Joanie (3.5y), Julia (1.5yr). We drove to Lodi on Sunday afternoon and stayed the night with Dan's cousins and we BBQ'd the next day. These are the only cousins that are Russell's age. The cousins in Colorado are 13, 12, and 9.

Below: last year's cousin picture...

SF Zoo- Tuesday

Yesterday, we met up with Russell's little friends at the zoo. We'd never been to this zoo and were excited to see it.

The tiger exhibit is glassed in to add 4' to the existing wall. The big cats were resting when we saw them. I can't imagine getting chased by one of these kitties!!

Mrs. Lion lives here

The gang: Russell (his hat was in the car. Oops.), Jack, Claire and Grace. Little Maddie joined us later for lunch with her mom, Julie.